


Those who are against us are het

by defencelesskep



Category: One Direction (Band)
Genre: Break Up, F/F, F/M, Getting Back Together, M/M, Post-One Direction, Strangers to Lovers
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2021-01-30
Updated: 2021-03-10
Packaged: 2021-03-14 04:40:14
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 8
Words: 19,151
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/29040258
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/defencelesskep/pseuds/defencelesskep
Summary: In this sad world ruled by money not everything you see it's real. True intentions are covered by the possesivness and secrets. But what if the bond between this two is not what it seems to be. Maybe the spark inside their eyes when they look at each other means more then anyone could imagine.
Relationships: Harry Styles/Louis Tomlinson, Karolina/Niall Horan, Zayn Malik/Liam Payne
Kudos: 4





	1. Small Talk

**Author's Note:**

  * For [Freddy](https://archiveofourown.org/users/Freddy/gifts), [Olivia](https://archiveofourown.org/users/Olivia/gifts).



> This is a work of fiction, none of the events presented in this work happened in real life and i do not claim they happened in real life.  
> The idea of this fic is simply to entertain and i started it because of the inside joke me and my friends came up with on twitter. 
> 
> I would like to thank my inspirations Freddy and Olivia! Without you and your support i wouldn't be able to create this! I love you very much<33
> 
> If any of my irls are reading this please just don't it's made out of boredom and as a joke :))))

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Like wolves we've run wild  
> Let passion get too much  
> And let ourselves get burned by the fire  
> We're walking on wire  
> But nothing feels higher  
> Then when I see that look in your eyes

It all started on New Year’s Eve.

Karolina was always dreaming of finding someone who will understand her, someone who will look into her eyes and just see the true her. Her ideal partner was supposed to be interested in every detail of the stories she told (and she loved to talk), they were supposed to look at her as she was the only person in the universe as she was the only thing that mattered right in this moment and that will only matter in every other moment. She wanted someone who will be mesmerized in her way of being and who will appreciate her character.

That night she thought she found that person.

For the past two hours they were sitting by the bar caught up in conversation about everything and nothing at the same time. Karolina already forgot what was the purpose of stopping by the bar, her full attention consumed the young handsome lad who hadn't even introduced himself properly. His charm and charisma were something she has never experienced, there was no other person on this planet who she was as interested in as this loud Irish brunette with a big smile and laugh that made everyone around him laugh even though they haven’t even heard the joke.

“Then my mates Louis and Liam snuck in and waited until the security guys fell asleep…”

“No way” Karolina gasped from amazement.

“They did! Anyway they waited about an hour and then they just unpacked their bags and started drawing graffiti inside the room. But they haven’t thought about the smell of the paint and how toxic it was so after about 5 minutes they stopped and ran away” The Irish lad finished his story with a loud chuckle.

“Oh my god!” Karolina exclaimed loudly. “What did the security guys do when they woke up?” She asked.

“They were so fucking pissed at the boys that they planned their revenge. The next night when we were in the bus they woke Louis and Liam in the middle of the night and told them Harry got lost on the stop and you can only imagine Louis’ face when he heard that”  
Irishmen started laughing in that moment and everyone around the bar looked immediately in their direction. “He was so stressed that ‘his baby Hazza’ got lost that he got Liam and they went to the wood behind the gas station and spent 3 hours looking for him. Meanwhile Harry was sleeping on the couch at the end of the bus, completely unaware of what was happening”

Karolina started hysterically laughing at this story. She recognized the names of people he was talking about but she couldn’t connect the names with anyone particular. The story was absolutely hilarious, she found his friends very amusing and she really wished she could meet them and pull up something funny with them.

“I don’t know why but all those names sound familiar” Karolina started curiously.

“I’m Niall” He said and held out his hand. “Niall Horan”

Then everything she found out started to make much more sense. She knew Niall must be someone important, she could tell after one look at his black, quite expensive looking suit. His stories were taking place in many different countries in the world so she at first assumed he is some kind of businessman or maybe a lawyer. But now it all made sense.

Niall Horan from One Direction. The biggest band in the world. Karolina has never been a huge fan of them, she used to make fun of their fans in primary school and she was rather opposed to the idea of liking ‘girly music’.

Niall didn’t seem to be a boy bander. He was normal, genuinely nice person, very charismatic and incredibly interesting. She wasn’t sure what she expected from a star of the boy band but she definitely didn’t expect Niall.

“Oooo, i knew i recognised your pretty face from somewhere” She said with a smirk. “Niall Horan from One Direction, interesting, wait, didn’t you split up?” She asked with curiosity. 

“We’re on a hiatus!” Niall exclaimed, throwing his hands in the air.”I know it was supposed to be 18 months but plans change” He seemed to be a little bit offended by the suggestion they weren’t a band anymore.

“Okay! okay! I’m not saying you’re not together, just asking. I’ve never been a huge fan of bands so i’m not very informed about your status” She started to defend herself.

“No worries, it’s fine. I probably would think the same as you. But we will get back together! I’m sure” He sounded pretty convincing.

“In that case I can’t wait for you to come back. Pop star life must be exhausting. I can’t even imagine how much work it requires and what you had to sacrifice for the sake of the band.” Karolina couldn’t even comprehend a thought of touring, making albums, learning choreography, dealing with fans and managing to have a private life at the same time. 

“It definitely wasn’t easy, see we’re on a hiatus now, it’s different now” 

“Is it better now?” She asked.

“No. Nothing will give me as much joy as performing in front of my fans, in the biggest arenas in the world, on every continent. This experience and this feeling is something different, you can’t describe it properly with words. Every time I try it’s not even near this feeling. At that moment when you stand on the stage and you’re looking at the crowd, you can feel every emotion your fans are feeling at that moment. As a performer you build this bond with fans, this bond is unique, in some way they become part of you. You can feel their excitement, their happiness, their love. It's something I could feel every day of my life. But it also goes the other way around. You see, when you have a worse day they can sense it, they feel if you’re having fun, if you’re enjoying performing, they feel if you’re too tired or if the industry bullshit is pissing you off. At some point it became too much, there was too much shit going on, we couldn’t hide it. Breaking point was when Zayn left, at this time we knew we were overworked and that there was too much going on but when he left the break started to look more realistic. And even though the end was rough, the last few months before the hiatus were one of the worst for all of us. I would never say that I enjoy what I’m doing now more. Few rough months won’t erase four and a half years of having fun, doing what I dreamed of and sharing it with my four brothers.”

The feeling Karolina felt after Niall finished was very overwhelming, The way he described his bond with the fans was beautiful but the part about the truth behind the success was really upsetting. 

“It’s cruel they put you through this. I mean the bond with your fans is something incredible. I never knew you can create something like this. It sounds so unique and I could only imagine having a connection like this with anyone.” She paused for a few seconds. “It must have been hard after Zayn left. You described him as your brother and seeing someone you love hurting must be unbearable...”

“The thing is” Niall cut her off. “We didn’t know he was feeling like this. Of course we knew it wasn’t easy for him. We knew he wasn’t in the best form but we didn’t know how bad he was feeling. I think in some way every single one of us took blame for this. I was upset I didn’t realize earlier he wasn’t enjoying this, the same with Harry, it was hard to hear for him that the thing that gave him so much joy and happiness was so painful for the person he cared about. I mean I wasn’t the only person who considered Zayn a brother. Harry and Louis too, Liam maybe didn’t consider him a brother it’s not Alabama but anyways we all cared for him. Liam was broken. He missed him. After all those years they spent together it was a total shock to wake up one day and not be able to reach for him and talk to him. It took some time for Liam to adjust to this new situation but it wasn’t easy.” 

He paused to cough, You could see the hurt in his eyes. The thing he wanted to say next was definitely very hard for him. 

“Louis felt betrayed. It happened in the middle of the night. We got the information he left when we woke up. I will never forget Louis’ face when he found out. It was supposed to be a happy day for him, his mum’s birthday. But when he woke up he found out his best mate left without a fucking word and he didn’t feel betrayed because he left us, don’t get me wrong. He was mad he didn’t tell him. They were very close. It was always Zouis against the world. They did pranks together, they fucked up with the weed video together, they did interviews together, they were messing around during rehearsals together, they acted like they knew each other forever and as there wasn’t Louis without Zayn and there wasn’t Zayn without Louis. Many people think this whole situation impacted Harry the most. People say that it was the hardest for him but it’s total bullshit. We all felt it. It impacted every single one of us differently but it wasn’t definitely Harry who felt it the most. It was Louis. He wasn’t so obvious about it. He had enough shit going on at that time. He couldn’t show that it hurt. Of course after some time all of us got over it. We started to joke about it or joke about him and just talk about him at all, which was hard at first. Now as I look at it we didn’t have any other option, he left, we had to get over it. We couldn’t go back in time and fix everything, the problem was much bigger and if we would want to fix it we wouldn’t be able to be the biggest band in the world. You have to sacrifice some things to become successful and please everyone around you.”

This whole monolog was a total shock for Karolina, she wasn’t very familiar with the situation but the things he said seemed to be very meaningful to him and they seemed to impact his future and the way he sees the world now. She felt sorry for him but she was very mad about the last thing he said.

“I’m really sorry about this situation. I won’t understand what you felt and what all of you have been through but I know it must have been hard. I’m really sorry”

She paused for a second unsure if it would be okay to say the thing she wanted. 

“But Niall, pleasing someone and fulfilling other people expectations isn’t a definition of success. Success is very personal, everyone has a different definition of it but it definitely doesn’t mean what you just said. My personal definition is kind of complicated because I think success doesn’t exist or it just throughout the years changed into something else. People took self fulfillment and turned it into something that should satisfy other people expectations and it shouldn't be like this. We work, we make things to express ourselves in some creative way. So why are we doing this to satisfy others? Shouldn’t it all be about our self expression? I believe it’s not possible to satisfy everyone at the same time including ourselves. And when we try to do this we end up taking more and more criticism but it’s not constructive and it has become something disruptive. We set the bar higher and higher and in this race to finally reach it we lose ourselves and we aren’t able to cross that bar. It’s just simply impossible to do. So why are you sacrificing your happiness and your own satisfaction for other people? I know that the world doesn’t work like that, there are some trends in the music you have to fit in and there are things you simply can’t say or you can’t do because of the character you play for the public. It’s cruel ofcourse, but stop saying that making sacrifices and pleasing everyone around you is a success because it’s not.”

Niall’s expression was very hard to read. He seemed to be confused but in some way impressed after what he heard.

“You’re definitely right, it should be like this but it isn’t. There are fans, there is industry and at this point you can’t do what you want. There are consequences, I can speak only for myself but I think quite a few artists would agree with me. We are idols for many young people and the world is cruel. If we want to express what we feel, we have to remember about the impact we have on others. It’s not about the success but the responsibility we have. We can’t present the world as it is because we are here to entertain, our art is here to give joy and reassurance that it will be good. Sometimes sacrificing something important pays off by the smile on your fan’s face. One smile. One person who found reassurance in the art you created even though it wasn’t your intention to create it like that. Outcome is important.” He started smiling at the thought of thousands of fans who he saw, who told him he helped them who loved him and were grateful for him and his art.

Karolina saw the spark in his eyes when he started describing his fans, he really loved them. In that moment you could have seen that fans are part of him just like he earlier said. 

“It’s very beautiful, the way you describe it. I assumed you meant money and sales and streams as a measure of success. But I mean if you’re talking about bringing joy then it seems that you have a very big heart and you really love your fans.” She said with a soft expression and small smirk.

“Thank you very much.” He replied smiling. “Do you want to dance?”

“Sure, why not.” She replied, taking his hand.

They moved to the dancefloor and started swaying slowly in the middle of the crowd. Karolina’s long, red dress was smoothly moving as they kept on dancing. The music wasn’t very loud but you could clearly hear the saxophones and very calming melody of the song. After two songs they got back to the bar and decided that it’s time to start the party properly. 

After the fourth round of shots they started to feel a little bit deezy. Music became more lively and between the shots they were dancing and singing. Niall’s voice sounded a lot better than Karolina’s but in that moment the only thing that mattered for them was having a good time. 

Both of them were observing each other. They were concentrated on the way their hips moved, how their fingers were linked up and how close they were standing. 

Suddenly people around them started the New Years countdown. But they weren’t able to take their eyes off each other’s lips and when 2018 finally came they closed the distance between them and kissed. It was spectacular, and neither of them have ever felt anything like this before. The kiss was slow but passionate, they didn’t have to rush. That moment felt like forever. Like the time has stopped and there was nothing in this world that mattered more in that moment. Nothing could ruin this feeling. When they finally stopped there wasn’t any other option. Maybe it was because of the alcohol or the need of contact they both felt. But the night ended up in the hotel room.

They rushed upstairs and during the walk upstairs they couldn’t take their hands off each other. When someone walked into the lift on the seventh floor they had to detach for a few seconds but as soon as they left the lift they started kissing again.

The distance between the lift and the room wasn’t long but it took them over 5 minutes to reach the door. 

“Do you have a card?” She asked.

Niall dipped his hand into his pocket. It took him a few seconds but when he finally found the card they opened the door and what happened behind the closed door is now a history only they can tell.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> thank you for reading this chapter. it's my first work in english and i'm sure it's shit but you know it's just for fun! my works in my native language are shit too btw. i hope you like the story, it's inspired by the song Small talk as you can see in the title of this chapter :P i would like to say that the story about zayn leaving the band isn't accurate we don't know what happened it's here because i need it for the future reference :) 
> 
> again massive thank you to Freddy and Olivia this won't exist without them! i'm basically writing it for them :P 
> 
> idk when the next chapter will drop but i feel quite inspired so let's hope it will be soon.


	2. No Judgement

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Even though we don't talk for a couple of months, yeah  
> It's like we didn't lose anytime  
> I can be your lover or your shoulder to cry on  
> You can be whoever you like

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> hiii everyone! i hope you missed me it has been a whole week! i hope you're doing alright!
> 
> again big thanks to my inspirations Freddy and Olivia<3 i love you and this week has been amazing and you helped me so much!
> 
> and STREAM DEFENCELESS it also inspired me very much!!!!

“ _But do you feel anything?_ ” Harry asked, a little bit irritated.

“ _God, Harry it’s only been two weeks. I’m not gonna tell you that I’m madly in love with her that I wanna drop everything I have just to see her all the time or that I wanna marry her at that moment and have a family because it’s just too early._ ” Niall stated pretty loudly.

“ _Okay, okay no need to yell at me. But if you don't realize you have some kind of feelings towards her now, you won’t realize it later when you will be in love with her._ ” Harry’s statement sounded pretty aggressive through the phone. Like he would like to punch Niall through it and make him realize he has a crush on her.

“ _Harry just let it go, it’s my life, my problem and my feelings. Just go do something fun. You’re in Jamaica with your boy and you’re here trying to tell me I’m in love with someone I know for two weeks._ ” Niall had enough of this conversation. It wasn’t Harry’s place to tell him how he feels but he couldn’t deny Harry might have been right.

“ _I just worry about you. You’re my best friend and I care about your happiness. I don’t want you to make a mistake just because you’re too scared to admit you have feelings for her._ ” Harry also had enough of Niall’s stubbornness

“ _I know Hazz and you’re right. I have a crush on her but hold your horses I know what you’re thinking. I’m not in love with her, it's just a crush right now._ ” He gave in. There was no point in denying it anymore.

“ _Oh Niall_ ” Harry sighed. “ _I’m happy you’re aware that you’re whipped. It was a lovely chat but I got to go. Louis is waiting for me with dinner._ ”

“ _Ugh married couples._ ” Niall made a disgusted face as he thought about his two best friends being clingy and domestic.

“ _We’re not married yet! We actually have almost everything planned, just 7 months left._ ” Harry sounded very excited and very in love. Despite the fact how disgustingly in love they were, Niall was happy for them and he loved to hear about their future plans and about their dreams.

When Harry asked Niall to be his best man he burst into tears and started thanking Harry for choosing him. He is a little bit embarrassed of his reaction but it was one of the happiest moments in his life and Harry means a lot to him.

“ _Harry come on!_ ” Louis yelled apparently from the kitchen as he was supposed to be making dinner.

“ _I’m coming!_ ” Harry yelled back. “ _Sorry Niall I got to go to my attentive spouse. See you soon mate._ ”

“ _See ya and have fun!_ ” Niall replied and hung up the call.

He laid his back on the bed and started thinking about the things Harry told him. His biggest fear was that he met Karolina two weeks ago. He felt like it was too soon to have feelings for her. Since they met they were hanging out pretty often. They went to the cinema a week before, one evening they drove to Malibu Beach and went on a long walk which was really nice. They ended up being cold and sipping on hot tea in some cafe near the parking lot but it was still fun. They also went on a picnic and on a dinner. They had a good time together but Niall didn’t know if she wanted something more. His head was a mess.

2 weeks later...

Niall pulled up to her hotel at 8pm. His hands were slightly shaking and he was very nervous. It was supposed to be their last date before Niall would go back to England for a month. He wanted it to be perfect. They knew each other for a month now and he really wanted it to work. He fell pretty hard for her. He was a little bit terrified of how fast it happened but spending almost every free minute with each other, talking on facetime in the evenings and texting during meetings sped up the process. He didn’t want to go back to England but he already had a few meetings planned and his family was waiting for him. He knew leaving won’t be easy for him.

A loud tapping on the window sounded inside the car. Niall jumped a little but after a few seconds he opened the door and walked out. Karolina looked beautiful. She was wearing black flared jeans and floral printed shirt. Niall couldn’t take his eyes off of her.

“Hi.” She started shyly.

“Hi.” Niall sighed completely astonished. His brain stopped working.

“Where are we going?”

After a minute when he got his mind in place he said. “Oh, sorry. Yeah, umm. We’re going stargazing.”

“Oh, okay that sounds fun. Let’s go.” After this she walked to the passenger seat and sat down.

Niall started panicking a lot more now.

The ride to the hill went nice. They were playing songs from Niall’s playlist and they started discussing which song from reputation is the best. Karolina was saying ‘New Year’s Day’ and Niall said that he prefers ‘Dress’.

After 10 minutes they parked on the top of the hill, they got a blanket and a telescope from Niall’s car trunk. They set up the telescope and started looking at the sky. There were no clouds and you could see many stars even without the telescope.  
“Sky looks so pretty but I have no fucking clue what I’m looking at.” Karolina said giggling.

Niall started obnoxiously laughing which made Karolina laugh more and louder.

“I’ll be honest with you. I also have no idea what I’m looking at. I left school when i was 17, I know shit about the stars.” Said /niall after he calmed down a little.

They sat down on a blanket next to each other and set into comfortable silence. They were leaning into each other and looking at the stars.

“What are you thinking about?” Karolina asked.

“I don’t want to go back to England.” Niall said sadly.

“What?!” Karolina was confused.

“I don’t want to go back. I’ll have to leave you here and I won’t have time for you when I’ll be back here.” He was thinking about it a lot and he couldn’t keep it inside anymore.

“Niall…” Karolina sighed. “Don’t worry, you’ll be back here in a month. It’s not such a big deal. I mean I like hanging out with you and all but it’s not like talking on a phone won’t be enough.”

This hurt Niall pretty bad. He knew that she doesn’t feel the same about him but he had a little bit of hope that she will be as sad as him about him leaving.

“Umm, yeah i guess it will be enough.It will be different but like you said it will be fine.” He tried not to sound disappointed.

“Of course I will miss our dates but you know we don’t have any other choice.” This actually reassured him a little bit.

“Dates… hmm interesting.”

Karolina’s eyes blew out and she interrupted him really fast. “Hoe my god, no, no stop smiling.” She looked at his face, he was smiling and giggling at her shock. “It’s not what I meant, I mean i meant it but like ugh. We didn’t define what we are doing so I just assumed we are going on dates.” Her face turned red as she kept on explaining herself.

“Stop don’t be embarrassed. I also thought we were going on dates or at least I hoped so. I actually was so scared to ask what it is for you that when I drove here I was shaking and I couldn’t think clearly…”

“Oh my god, Niall I’m sorry. I didn’t mean to confuse you. I should have said something sooner.” She interrupted him.

“No, no don’t blame yourself. We both could have said something sooner.” He chuckled quietly.  
They sat in silence for some time. It was getting colder and the wind started blowing harder. Karolina got cold so Niall gave her his jacket. It was almost 10pm when rain started pouring down. They got their things and ran to the car very fast.

When they sat inside they were soaking wet and the only thing they could do was laugh so they did.

Niall leaned back in his seat and turned his head to the right. He was admiring her beauty. The way her eyelashes were brushing her cheeks when she closed her eyes, the way her wet hair was tangling into little curls at the ends and how marvelous she looked overall.

She turned her head into his direction and started staring into his eyes. They were blue like a sea and she just wanted to look at them forever. She concentrated on his lips. They were pink and full and the only thought in her head was saying to close the distance between them and kiss him. So she did. It was the second time they kissed. The first time during the party was now just a fading memory.

The kiss was slow. Niall put his hand on her jaw to open her mouth a little bit more. The kiss became a little bit more heated then and the car wasn’t the best place to do these things. They broke away after a few minutes and looked into each other's eyes.

Niall’s head was a mess, he felt everything and nothing at the same time. He wanted more but he also was scared of more. He was sure he wanted everything with her but he didn’t know if she wanted everything with him. He knew she had some feelings towards him but he was sure that she didn’t fall so hard for him as he did for her. He felt so much so soon and it was overwhelming but also comforting. He was terrified by how much he wanted but he also felt like he finally found someone, his happiness, his destiny, his everything.

“What means happiness for you?” He asked.

“Happiness is a constant for me. Like you can feel happy for some time, in specific moments but i just think it’s euphoria and excitement. Happiness is long term. I can’t say i’m happy until i won’t feel happy all the time or at least most of the time. I know bad things happen. Anything can ruin this state of joy but it’s not like i can’t put myself together and deal with it. there is always a chance for a happy ending you just need to believe you have a chance. it's not even about believing in yourself to be honest. it's more about believing in the possibility that the universe gives you. That it's never too late for being happy and pursuing your dreams.” Her answer surprised Niall very much. He never thought about this in this way.

“I feel like I'm learning so much from you like that was.” He stopped for a moment and gasped. “It was beautiful. You're so young and so smart.” He laughed quietly. “Happiness for me is more about enjoying yourself. When i was in a band it was tough, it was very tough and sometimes I felt like I was losing myself. I loved the fans I loved what I was doing but there was still so much shit around us and god it was awful. So now when I'm on my own I start to perceive happiness as a state when i don’t hate myself and when I'm able to control what's happening around me. This feeling of self-knowledge is happiness because I know that a few years ago I could give up everything for this.” When he finished it took a few minutes before any of them said anything more.  
“Isn't it what life is about?” Karolina asked. “I mean don't we live to finally know yourself. It's a beautiful conception in my head. living to find out who you are.”

“Do you know who you are?”

“No”

After this they sat in silence looking at each other for some time. When rain became less heavy they started the engine and drove to Karolina's hotel. the ride was nice still neither of them said anything. When they arrived at the hotel both of them got out of the car and they stood in front of each other.

“I'm going to miss you when I'm gone.” he said with a sad voice.

“Me too. Remember to call me and text me.”

“I will.”

He leaned in and kissed her. The kiss was short but reassuring. It was kind of a promise.

Promise that they will wait for each other.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> thank you for reading! i hope you liked this chapter. it's a little bit shorter then the previous one but i don't think it's a bad thing i just felt it's a good moment to stop.  
> i don't know when i/ll finish another chapter because i had a small problem with this one but let's hope it will be soon!
> 
> again thanks to my babies Freddy and Olivia and STREAM DEFENCELESS!!!!


	3. San Francisco

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Moon shining  
> Sun rising  
> You're the one I want to wake up to  
> Lights fading  
> I'm changing  
> Overthinking, I don't know what to do

_ March 2018 _

  
  


Niall got back to LA after a month. He was scheduling his tour and doing some promo for his album Flicker in England. During that time him and Karolina stayed in touch, they were talking on facetime in the evenings and texting during meetings. 

Niall’s feelings towards her were still pretty strong, he thought that maybe when they will spend some time apart those feelings will become weaker. But he was completely wrong. He started missing her. He became dependent on her during their times together in LA. She gave him joy, excitement and feeling of peace. It all disappeared after he got off the plane. 

First week was hard. He was jetlagged, alone and had so many things to do that he didn’ know where to put his hands first. He had a few meet and greets with fans but he mostly was stuck in the office. He had to choose songs he will sing on tour, countries, cities, venues and the list wasn’t getting shorter. 

Everyday after he got home he texted Karolina if she was up and she was responding immediately. Her life in LA without Niall wasn’t really fun. She still was staying at the hotel because her real home was in New York. She was supposed to get back there in January but Niall changed all of her plans. No one was waiting for her there. She would go back to an empty, cold flat where she would do the same things she does in LA. 

Which is nothing. 

Karolina was a writer, she was writing her second book at the time but the problem was she wasn’t. After writing two chapters she just stopped. She hated everything she had written. Story was boring and she didn’t have any idea how she could end the story. That happened in November. She hadn't been writing for three months and there were no signs of inspiration on the way. At first she thought that spending more time with Niall would help her with writing but it didn’t.

It was February, he was gone and she still hadn’t started writing again. She decided to give herself a little bit more time so she waited. She was waiting for the whole month.

Karolina’s days looked pretty similar. She woke up, got dressed, ate breakfast, talked to Niall and after that she was wasting her time watching netflix or scrolling through twitter. Talking to Niall was the best part of her day. She missed him and she could see he missed her too. They were mostly chatting about Niall’s day, what he was up to, how much he planned and what he is going to do the next day. 

It was reassuring to hear that someone she cared about wasn’t in such a shit place as she was. She felt like everything she did wasn't going to work out. Just like her writing. Every little thing she would have to do as going out, working out or even doing laundry will be a mess. She felt powerless and useless. Like this book defined her whole existence. It was tiring, so not giving a fuck about every single thing looked like a good solution. 

So she just waited.

When Niall came back it felt like life fell into place. When she saw him at the airport she realized how much she fell for him. She didn’t even realize how much Niall meant to her, it was the first time she felt like this. She felt full. Like the empty piece of her heart filled up when she saw him.

“Welcome back.” She said smiling. She hugged him really tight and started murmuring into his ear. “I missed you. It was so boring without you here. I’m so happy you’re back.”

“I’m so happy I’m back. I missed you loads and god those stupid phonecalls are nothing comparing to hugging you right now.”

Karolina felt butterflies in her stomach after hearing those words. She felt exactly the same, talking was alright but physical contact was something different. It made it feel so real. It made Niall real. He was everything she could have imagined and being with him was like a fever dream. But contact made it ten times more real.

They left LAX after 20 minutes and drove to Niall’s house. It was her first time there and it made her nervous. For the whole ride she was tense and couldn’t properly concentrate on what Niall was telling her. Her first impression after they arrived was that the house was huge, one of the biggest houses Karolina had ever been to. When they walked in the first thing she noticed was emptiness, there wasn't much furniture, not many things were hanging from the walls and she couldn’t catch anything personal there. His house was also modern and very clean, in some way steryl. It wasn’t very welcoming but she didn’t need it to be cosy and warm. At that moment she just needed Niall.

They entered the living room which also looked empty and unwelcoming. They sat on the opposite sides of the couch, Niall curled his legs underneath him but Karolina needed a few minutes to get used to this place. 

“I know this place is really fucking scary and unpleasent but I really missed you and i want to talk about something with you.” Said Niall turning his head into Karolina’s direction.

“It’s not that bad, just overwhelming a little bit.” She tried to make him feel better and make this conversation he wanted to have more comfortable. 

“Okay so I was thinking about… maybe like going somewhere together before I’ll get back to work here?” He sounded nervous and his voice was cracking a little bit.

“Oh. I didn’t expect that but it might be fun so why not?” Idea of spending some time alone with Niall seemed fun. It was also a great opportunity to get some inspiration.

Niall seemed relieved after hearing her answer. “Okay great, so I was thinking about San Francisco, what do you think about that?”

“I’ve never been there but that sounds fun.”

  
  


So they went to San Francisco.

The trip was nice. They were sightseeing most of the time, they saw Golden Gate Bridge, Art Museums, a few Parks and the Ocean. They actually spend most of their time looking at the water, laying on the grass while eating candies and fruits they brought. Overall it was a nice day full of small touches, stolen kisses and holding hands.

It felt like every other date they had but something was different. Maybe it was because they haven’t seen each other for a month or maybe because they were in a new place. But none of these explanations made sense. They felt like something in their minds had changed. The way they felt with each other wasn’t euphoric anymore it was a more calm feeling, feeling of safety and stability. It wasn't a bad feeling, it was just different and a little bit overwhelming.

  
  
  
  


They got back to the hotel room for a quick change and went to eat dinner at some nice place they found on google maps. It was a small italian restaurant in the middle of the town. They sat outside in the corner, near to the small garden full of little tomato bushes. 

Waiter gave them menus and they decided to eat pizza, they didn’t need anything fancy. This whole trip was about spending time with each other and taking the most out of it. The weather was lovely, warm and the sun still hadn't settled. Karolina was thinking that maybe they will even look at the sunset by the Sea.

They were talking about everything and nothing while eating their vegetarian pizza and sipping wine. It was nice, both of them thought it was one of the best dates they had.

After they left the restaurant they went to the docs to look at the sunset. It was quite chilly so Niall lent Karolina his jacket. He was hugging her from behind and planting small kisses on her head. It felt good.

“It’s beautiful.” Karolina said.

“You’re beautiful.” 

“Oh god if you wanna woo me then you'll have to try a little harder.” Karolina said chuckling quietly.

“But did I lie though?” Niall said in a very serious tone.

“No you didn’t but this moment is about nature and the sun. Don’t take it away from it.” She was smiling and looking at the horizon.

Niall couldn’t believe how incredible the girl in front of him was. She was everything he wanted, everything he needed. It was the right moment.

“Okay so if this didn’t work so what would you say about: Do you want to be my girlfriend?” It was the scariest thing Niall has ever said in his life.

Karolina turned around. Her face was confused and a little bit surprised. Niall didn’t know if it was a good sign. But he waited until she said something.

It was the worst 30 seconds of his life.

“Pretty straightforward.” She said looking into his eyes. She leaned in and kissed him.

Niall was confused but kissed her back. When they finally broke apart she said. “I like that.” She started grinning and Niall felt like he could breathe again.

He kissed her again and in between the kisses she was repeating: “Yes.”

  
  
  
  
  


They got back to LA the next day. First thing they did was go to bed. Both of them were tired after the trip. When they woke up it was already 1PM and it was time for Karolina to leave. She had some clean clothes in her suitcase so she got dressed, kissed Niall goodbye and left.

When she left he realized that something was laying under bed. It was Karolina’s dress. He decided to give it to her soon but for now he hung it up in his closet.

  
  
  
  


When Karolina came home she unpacked her things and started thinking. She felt good, euphoric and a little bit excited at the thought of what was about to come. She also had this unsettling feeling that there was something wrong. That she did something wrong. 

She unlocked her phone and called the only people who could help her then. She opened the facetime app and pressed the call button.

After three signals both Freddy and Olivia picked up. “Hi Karo.” Both of them said at the same time.

“Hi guys, I’m sorry I didn’t call in so long.” In that moment she realized how much she neglected her friends.

“Baby don’t worry, we’re not mad, we know you’re busy.” Olivia said. They didn’t know about Karolina’s writing break or about Niall and about the fact she was still in LA.

“I think I fucked up.” She started crying and shaking.

“Hey mermaid please don’t cry, tell us what’s wrong. I’m sure you didn’t do anything wrong. Please baby.” Freddy said. 

Karolina tried to calm down a little. When she was able to tell them what happened she did. She told them about LA, about New Year’s Eve, how she and Niall started going out, about her break from writing and about San Francisco.

They were silent for a moment. Olivia broke it.

“Karo, you know we love you and support you no matter what but what the fuck, why didn’t you tell us sooner. We would have helped you, we would get you back to Europe and we would help you.” They sounded disappointed in her. Karolina couldn't believe she did that to her best friends. 

“We really are not mad at you, I just want to know if you told Niall about your struggles.” Freddy said with their concerned tone. 

“I didn’t.” Karolina sighed and more tears started falling from her eyes. “What was I supposed to do? Was I supposed to say ummm hi Niall you know we slept together but like I actually might be gay. Literally what the fuck. I couldn’t have said that.” She was starting to get mad.

“Of Course not this. You just could have said that you don’t really know yourself and you’re struggling and have therapy and just be fucking honest with him. I get it’s not easy thing to say but I’m just surprised because the last time we talked you literally was almost 100% sure you were a lesbian. So I think I have every right now to be surprised.” They had, Karolina knew they had. They were always so supportive and proud of her.

“I’m sorry i just don’t know and now i agreed to be with him and it’s not like I regret it but now as I’m thinking about it I’m terrified. Because what if I did something wrong and I will hurt him. I don’t care if i will hurt myself but he doesn’t deserve my shit.” Karolina started crying again.

“But what if it’s worth the risk. Maybe you’ll be happy together. Maybe everything will work out. You don’t have to be sure who you are, everyone has doubts but fear can’t take over your life. You have to trust yourself and maybe take a risk. It might pay off in the end.” Olivia’s words were beautiful but Karolina was so disappointed in herself she couldn’t have imagined giving her and Niall a chance. She was sure she would fuck it up even more. He didn’t know about her book or about her sexuality crisis. It was all too much for her. The risk of hurting him was too big. But she couldn’t just break up with him.

  
  
  


She decided to pretend she isn’t a fucking mess.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> hiii i hope you liked this chapter! 
> 
> big thanks to Freddy and Olivia for their support throughout the last week. 
> 
> i had a hard time writing this chapter to be honest and i emotionaly disconected from Karolina and it was harder to write :p but i actually sat down today and wrote over 1200 words so let's consider this a success. 
> 
> let's hope next chapter will come out faster.


	4. Put A Little Love On Me

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> We wrote and we wrote  
> Til there were no more words  
> We laughed and we cried  
> Until we saw our worst  
> Is it wrong that I still wonder where you are  
> Is it wrong that I still don't know my heart

_ July 2018 _

  
  
  


“Niaaall where is Liam?” Harry started screaming from his dressing room.

Niall ran from the kitchen to stop Harry from panicking and getting mad. There were still three hours until the wedding. There were still many possibilities that something went bad and Niall was there to prevent pointless stress and just to make it less chaotic. 

“Harry calm down, why do you need Liam right now?” asked Niall with his calm and sweet voice.

“I want to ask him how Louis is doing.” Harry bowed his head down to not see Niall’s annoyed expression.

“For fucks sake Harry, you’re getting married in a few hours I bet he is happy and excited.”

  
  
  
  


Niall wasn’t entirely wrong. He was happy and excited but also nervous, panicked and a big mess.

  
  


“Louis don’t cry, you're acting like you don’t want to marry him.” Liam was done with him. Louis had been crying for the past hour and was panicking.

“Of course I want to Liam, I’m just scared because I love him so much, he is my everything, my home and I don’t want to fuck it all up. It’s fucking marriage mate it’s not that simple like we’ve always been comiitted to each other but now if I will fuck something up I won’t be able to fix it. He will hate me if I ruin it and he won’t forgive me.” tears were falling from Louis' eyes and he was shaking. He was sitting on a floor and looked pathetic. It was supposed to be the most important day of his life and he was blaming himself for something that didn’t even happen.

“I understand that you’re scared but Louis as you said you’ve been together for so long, you’ve been acting as a married couple almost since the beginning and some stupid paper from the city hall won’t change anything. Harry will always love you, you don’t even realize how much you mean to him. And you won’t fuck it up, you had almost eight years to fuck it up but you didn’t. Just give you both a chance to start a family and to be happy.” Liam has always known what to say to save the day. He was a hero. 

“Thank you Li.” Louis sighed, putting his hands over his eyes. “God I’m pathetic.” 

“No you’re not Lou, it’s just a big day and you’re allowed to be stressed but don’t panic please.” Liam cuddled Louis close to his chest.

After 10 minutes when Louis calmed down he started getting ready for the wedding. He washed his face, styled his hair, put on his clothes and he was ready. But still he had almost three hours until the wedding. Liam went to check on the wedding rings and flowers. 

  
  


While he was waiting on a couch trying to calm his nerves a little bit he heard quiet knocks on his dressing room door.

“Come in!”   
  


“Hi Louis, do you have a minute to talk?” Karolina’s head popped off from the door.

“Yes sure, I’m just sitting here thinking about the wedding and stressing out so some distraction would be nice.” He was smiling politely. 

“Okay so how are you? How are you feeling?”

“Umm it’s good, better than 30 minutes ago.” He laughed nervously.

“Uh, that’s… ummm great, yeah. I don’t know if this is a good moment for this but I just need to talk about it with someone.” Karolina walked into the room and sat at the couch next to Louis.

“So umm I just wanted to ask how did you know Harry is the one?” She asked and turned her head into his direction.

“Oh.” Louis was a little bit confused but Karolina was quite a special person and she often asked random questions. “As you know we met on XFactor and we both had high school crushes on each other. Small touches, staring at each other, being soft around each other and being very very very touchy.” He was smiling fondly at the memory of those times. “It was quite simple back then, we didn’t know what was about to happen, we didn’t know that we will get a contract and that we will be famous, we didn’t know we will be given certain images and that we won’t be able to be ourselves. At that time I knew that I wanted him in my life. That this curly haired boy with green eyes that meant everything for me is the person I need in my life. I loved him so much, it happened really fast this whole falling in love thing. It was scary because we were so young and Harry was literally sixteen. He was a baby, my baby. But the moment I knew he was the one. Hmmm. I think it was when I got a beard I think, it was the first time it all became scary and real. We realized how we were portrayed by the media and that we won’t be able to change it that quickly. And it was risky to come out back then, we could have lost many fans and we could have got harassed and just it was very much a risk. But it was the moment I knew that if I will be able to take it I want to do it with him.” his words were very beautiful and true. He loved Harry the most and it was obvious they would do anything for one another.

“What if I also want that risk?” she asked.

“You don’t, trust me you don’t. It was the scariest thing in my life. Not being true to myself. But you’re happy with Niall right? Why would you want any obstacles?” he sounded surprised.

“I don’t know what I want and I don’t know if I’m happy. I just don’t feel it okay, I don’t feel like he is my everything, I have doubts okay.”

“I had doubts an hour ago don’t worry, you have time to work it out, you’ve been together for how long? Like four months? You have time.” Louis really tried to reassure her but his words weren’t doing much to her.

“Louis it’s not that easy. I’m a fucking mess, when i met him I thought I was gay and then i met him and I was kind of attrackted to him and it was so confusing because i thought i figured everything out and also i stopped writing my book and I stayed in LA for who the fuck knows how long just because I didn’t have any other alternative. I am a huge mess and Niall doesn’t know how fucked up I am and he doesn’t deserve that. I have no idea who I am and agreeing to date him was the most spontanious thing I’ve ever did in my life and i fucking knew back then that I’m not ready for this, I knew I needed some time more and what the fuck was I thinking.” she started crying. 

“Hey Karo don’t cry.” Louis came closer to her and put his arm over her shoulders. “It’s okay to be confused and to don’t know yourself and you can’t blame yourself for this. Maybe talk to Niall and just be honest with him.”

“I will, I’m sorry Louis it’s your big day and I’m sitting here crying and being miserable. I’m sorry.”

“Don’t worry love, I consider you my dear friend and as a friend it’s my pleasure to help you.” he hugged her tighter. 

“Thank you Louis, really it means a lot.”

Suddenly they heard a loud bang from the corridor.

“What was that?” asked Karolina, she stood up and opened the door.

There was Harry standing in the corridor, he was sitting on the floor next to a cartoon box he apparently had bumped into.

“Harry?”

“Hi Karo I didn’t know you were here, I just wanted to talk to Louis before the wedding and i was walking and this box was here and i fell over it and ughh just can I see Louis please?” he made a sad puppy face and Karolina couldn’t have said no.

“Sure, come on in.” She took a step back to let him in.

Harry stood up and went through the door. “Were you crying?” He asked with a concerned voice.

“Umm yeah I did.”

“Hey is everything okay?” He extended his arms and put his hand on Karolina’s shoulders.

“Yeah, yeah I’m fine. Louis helped me.” She tried to smile a little to reassure Harry a little bit.

“Oh okay.”

“I’ll leave you alone now.” She cut him off and left the room.

Harry turned to face Louis. He was sitting on a couch, with his legs crossed and his hand awkwardly laying on top of his thighs. Harry took a few steps in his direction.

“Sooo, how are you feeling?” Harry asked looking down at his feet.

“I’m so fucking nervous Harry.” Both of them laughed at this loudly.

“Me too, don’t worry Boo. It will be alright. I mean you want it right?” 

“What the fuck I literally asked you to marry me od course I want it!” He stood up from the couch and came closer to Harry.

“I know it’s just you said you’re nervous and it’s such a big day for us and I just got scared and… stop laughing at me you wanker.” Harry smiled and slapped Louis’ hands away.

“Harry, my dear fiancé, it's the happiest day of my life and marrying you and starting our family are the things I want the most in my life. You’re my home and you’re my evermore.” Louis put his hands on Harry’s cheeks and looked him in the eyes.

“I hope it’s not your vow and you have something more prepared.” They both started laughing and kissing. 

  
  


The ceremony went lovely. Both Harry and Louis cried during their vows. They promised to be each other's homes and Louis said beautiful words about how love is only for the brave and that he wants to be brave for Harry. 

Karolina was truly touched. They had everything she wanted. They were true to themselves. And they knew who they were.

She decided to talk to Niall soon.

Wedding party took place in a big tent full of fairy lights and sunflowers. In the middle of it there was a dance floor and many tables around it. It was lovely, guests were dancing, singing and just having fun. Niall, Liam and Zayn had a little surprise for the boys,

“Hi, I’m Niall this is Liam and this is Zayn.” He pointed at his bandmates standing next to him. “So we are Harry’s and Louis’ friends and we wanted to do something special for them. Harry always says that he fell in love to this song so we wanted to celebrate it and sing this song. This is what makes you beautiful.”

They started singing and everyone at the party felt touched. It was a beautiful and personal gesture and both Harry and Louis appreciated it very much. They were swaying and humming to the melody.

When they finished, the party continued and Niall asked Karolina to dance with him. 

“Wasn’t it lovely my dear?” Niall asked her in a charming way.

“Oh it was really beautiful and I saw grooms really liked it.” She cuddled closer into Niall’s chest. “I hope they will be happy, they seem to fit. I don’t know why but you look at them and you just can feel their love, it’s so pure and just so vulnerable. I adore their love.” She was looking in Harry’s and Louis’ direction with a fond expression. They were dancing at the other corner of the dance floor. They were close, whispering soft words and promises into their ears. They were in their own bubble of happiness and excitement.

“You amaze me all the time, you always have something beautiful to say.”

“Oh if it could be that easy.” She sighed swaying her hips in the melody of the song that was playing. It was a slow rock ballad. “It’s not easy to find great words for a great occasion, acts speak louder than words, I can’t express the feeling with words, I can describe it but I can’t make you feel it, you have to experience it.”

“When you talk about these moments I can feel them, you’re talented my love.”

“Oh Niall thank you for the compliment but you’re a liar.” She looked him in the eyes and kissed him softly. “I’m glad I can’t make you feel the way i feel. You don’t deserve the pain. You’re such a beautiful soul, you deserve so much, so much more than me definitely.” Maybe it was because of the alcohol but Karolina felt that it was a good moment.

“What are you talking about?” Niall was confused. Karolina was a joy. She was sunshine on a cloudy day. She always brought positivity.

“I don’t know who I am dear.” She said with a pain in her eyes.

“You are you. You’ve always been yourself.”

“But who I am Niall, I need a definition. I need to know who I am.” Niall’s face dropped in that moment.

“What do you mean?”

“I need to let you go Niall. We got to live while we’re young, you need to find someone who deserves you.” Hot tears were dripping from her eyes, burning marks in her cheeks.

“Did you broke up with me with my own fucking lyrics?” He took a step back from her. Their hands dropped from where they were settled.

“I did Niall, I’m sorry, you’re just so much better than me.” It would have been hilarious except the fact that Niall felt like his heart crashed into tiny little pieces.

Karolina turned around and left. Niall was standing in the middle of the dance floor. The voice in his head was saying: don’t cry, but he couldn’t. He left the tent and got back to the hotel where the dressing rooms were. The first room he found was Harry’s bathroom. He ran inside and sat on the floor. Tears started falling down from his usually bright blue eyes that in that moment turned into sad grayish blue. 

After some time Louis came into the bathroom and immediately sat down next to Niall and cuddled him tight. 

“Niall what happened love?” He asked kindly with his soft voice.

“She left.” Niall moaned.

“What, when?”

“She said we need to live while we’re young and left.”

“She did not.”

“She did.”

  
  
  
  


The only thing Louis could have thought about in that moment was their talk. But it wasn’t supposed to be like this. They were supposed to talk and work it out.

  
  
  
  


She was supposed to be Niall’s home,

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> hiii surprise!! 
> 
> this chapter is dedicated to Olivia and Freddy as always :p thank you and i love you i'll hope it cheered you up a little bit!
> 
> i hope you don't hate me for this :D i gave you larry instead


	5. Champagne Lovers

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Maybe we are the perfect strangers  
> Only the stories left on paper, now  
> Well, I don't like it

_ France, July 2018 _

  
  
  


Karolina was sitting on a couch under a blanket. It was a chilly evening, the moon was shining and the sky was beautiful, full of bright stars which made Karolina think about how much she wants to be a star. Free, beautiful, bright and just a star. Even though they are parts of the constellations they are free. They are part of something bigger but they have their freedom. They are admired individually but also as a group.

“Do you want to be a star Olivia?” Karolina asked while looking at the sky, admiring the beauty of the night.

“I think I prefer to be a human.'' They said and giggled quietly.

“Not in that way silly. I mean do you want to be a part of something but still shine and matter as an individual?”

“That’s a complicated question. I think that in some way I am.” They coughed and turned into Karolina’s direction. ”You see I’m a human and we all matter the same but still we are being admired for what we do and for who we are.”

Their answer didn’t satisfy Karolina enough.

“Yeah but some humans are being put on the pedestal and it’s not like we all are treated equally.” She looked at Olivia with a small smile. “I think I want to be a star but I don’t know what it means yet.”

Olivia started smiling fondly. “I think you already are a star.”

Karolina burst out laughing. “I don’t feel like one.”

“No look, you are a writer right, and you are admired for your books… People love them and they inspire them and you have an impact on others. It's what a true star is. You’re shining and people love how bright you are and they try to become more like you.” They were used to weird questions which Karolina asked all the time and had an amazing talent to always make the answers valuable. 

“Thank you.” Karolina said with a big smile. “You are a star too.” 

In that moment Olivia’s dog Masha jumped on Karolina’s lap and started cuddling with her.

“I think it’s time to go to sleep, Freddy will be here in the morning and you’ll have to tell them what happened.” Olivia stood up from the couch they were sitting on and went to their bedroom.

  
  


Karolina didn’t want to get up. She wanted to stay here forever. She didn’t want to tell this humiliating story again but she had no choice. 

She fucked up so now she had to take a responsibility for it.

  
  
  
  


_ England, July 2018 _

  
  
  


Harry was out of town so Louis had to deal with Niall. He knew he couldn’t do this alone so he asked Liam to come with him but he came up with some fake excuse and told Louis to take Zayn with him.

Louis was scared.

Since Zayn left the band they weren’t really friends anymore. They used to see each other when the whole band was hanging out or when Harry was inviting Zayn over. 

Louis still felt hurt but it didn’t mean he didn’t want to forgive him.

He really did but it wasn’t that easy.

“So what’s up?” Louis asked politely.

“Not much, I’m writing some new songs.” Zayn shrugged, not looking at Louis.

“Cool.”

They kept on walking. They were two streets away from Niall’s house.

“Louis I know you don’t really want to go with me there but let’s do this for Niall, let’s just not make it worse for him because we will be acting awkward and uncomfortable.” He seemed genuine and like he really wanted to do it for Niall.

“I won’t be uncomfortable, it’s all on you mate.” Louis was pretty offended. He didn’t feel uncomfortable with him, he just felt bad that they haven’t worked their shit out yet.

“Louis what the fuck. Just talk to me.” 

He hesitated before he said it but maybe it was the best thing he could do then.

“I might want to forgive you.” He turned his head down.

This was unexpected for Zayn. He thought Louis was joking. He thought he was asking him to apologize for leaving the band, when he actually thought it was the best decision of his life.

“I left for myself, I won’t apologize for it!” Zayn seemed annoyed with Louis’ suggestion that he did something bad.

“No, no, I get that I mean you left without telling us. You just fucked off no one knew where and you, you…” Louis' voice dropped a little bit and he could feel tears in his eyes. “You didn’t tell me something was wrong, I thought we were best friends, I thought, I thought… I was important to you. You could have trusted me, I would have helped you with this shit but you just fucked off and I thought I did something wrong.”

Zayn felt like someone kicked him in the guts. He trusted Louis. He was his brother. 

“Lou, I’m sorry. I trusted you but it was hard. I didn’t even tell Liam and I kept all my problems inside. I’m sorry, really. You mean so much to me and I’m so sorry I hurt you.” He took a step forward and hugged Louis. They were standing on a street crying but it didn’t matter. They were brothers who were lost but found their way home.

  
  
  


After a few minutes they untangled their arms and continued their walk to Niall’s place.

“We are a mess now, how are we supposed to help Niall when he is also a mess?” Asked Zayn.

“He is a bigger mess don’t worry.”

  
  
  
  


Louis wasn't wrong. When they walked into Niall’s house they stopped immediately. House was dark, and everything was covered in dust. 

  
  


“Nialler!!!” Louis shouted but there was no answer.

They came in and walked into Niall’s bedroom. Irishmen was lying in the middle of the bed with his head under the duvet. Zayn and Louis jumped on his bed and cuddled him closely.

“Oh no Niall.” Louis sighed.

“Hey please don’t cry, just talk to us.” Zayn said with a calm voice.

“I’ve wasted four months of my life.” Niall pulled the duvet down.

“You can’t really think that, cut the bullshit lad.” Louis said with a firm tone.

“Of course I didn’t waste those months. It was the most beautiful time of my life but it hurts. It hurts because I feel used and broken.” Niall’s eyes were puffy from crying for the past week and he looked just awful.

“She didn’t use you, people break up, it's normal.” Said Zayn.

“She was different, she was perfect, she was supposed to be the one.” Niall put his hands over his eyes and sighed. 

“I don’t know how that happened because i talked to her before the wedding and she was supposed to tell you what bothers her and you were supposed to work everything out.” Niall jumped up in shock. 

“You talked?” Niall asked.

“Yeah, she told me about some things that were bothering her and i thought she would talk to you about it.” Louis felt like he unintentionally got into a big mess.

“She told me she needs to leave, just this. No specific explanation. What did she tell you?”

“I don’t think it’s my place to say.” He would out her if he told Niall what she said. “Did you try calling her or her friends?” 

“I did. I called her every hour and I also called Freddy but they didn’t know where Karo is and they told me that if I want to know I need to ask her but she ignores me.”

There wasn’t much they could say or do. They had to support Niall. But Louis was still thinking about their coversation and decided that he needed to do something about it.

  
  
  


When Louis got home Harry was already there. It was exactly eight days after their wedding. They didn’t plan any honeymoon because Harry was supposed to start touring again very soon. Marriage didn’t change much between them, they were still madly in love with each other. Difference was that both of them wore rings now. 

After they ate dinner Louis told Harry he needed to call Karolina. Harry wasn’t a big fan of this idea but he knew his husband and her had a talk and that Louis knew something more.

They both sat on a couch. Harry put his head on Louis' lap and concentrated on a movie that was playing. Louis started messing with Harry’s curls he loved so much. He pulled his phone out of his back pocket and dialed Karolina’s number.

“ _Hi Lou._ ” Her voice was quiet and tired.

“Hi Karo…” Louis didn’t expect her to pick up that fast. “Where are you? Is everything okay?”

“ _Yes I’m okay, I don’t really want to tell you where I am because you will tell Niall and he will try to come here and I’m nor ready to face him._ ” She paused for a minute. “ _How is he by the way?_ ”

“He is a mess, but what the fuck happened?” 

“ _I was honest with him, like you told me, I told him I’m not good enough for him and that he deserves better._ ” Her voice was breaking, she wasn’t an ice sculpture, she had feelings it was as much painful for her as it was for Niall.

“I told you to tell him the truth and work it out.” He was getting annoyed. He didn’t think that his advice would actually make things worse.

“ _You told me to be honest. So I was. It was my choice and it’s all my fault since the beginning. It wasn’t my intention to hurt him but I did and it’s my fault._ ”

“You know he will think he fucked up? Or that you used him, because you were together for four months and it’s not that short. He is hurt and he will be but god I also understand you. I know you had to think about yourself too but you could have told him what is going on.” Louis was an understanding person. He tried to sympathize with both of them even though he didn’t exactly agree with Karolina’s decision. He was her friend and as a good friend he had to try. 

“ _I know, I should have done that but I’m not ready. He deserves so much better than me._ ”

“Hey don’t say that. You are an amazing person, you’re unique and you make people around you appreciate life more. You gave me a new perspective on life. I learned from you that those short euphoric moments we experience are still very valuable. Maybe you and Niall were that moment, you both will learn a lesson from it and I think neither of you will regret moments you spend with each other.” Louis truly meant what he said. 

“ _Thank you Lou, please say hello to Harry and thanks for talking with me and not being totally mad at me._ ” He could have heard she was smiling. “ _Love you Lou._ ”

“Love you Karo, bye.” 

Louis hung up and looked down at Harry who still had his head on Louis’ lap.

“I’m getting jealous over here.” Harry said and started giggling. “Those were beautiful words baby.”

“Thanks bambi. I was just being honest. She really taught me how to appreciate the moment. For example I’m so, so, so happy that we are here together tonight and I will kiss you to celebrate that moment.” Louis leaned and kissed Harry’s lips. It was a sweet kiss, they shared many of them throughout the years but every single one felt amazing. 

They all felt like love.

  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  


Karolina put her phone down next to where Masha was sleeping on the couch. 

“Who was that?” Freddy asked from the doorway. They arrived in the morning and didn't have much time to talk to Karolina during the day.

“Louis, he asked me how I am doing.” She said with a small smile.

“Are you ready to tell me what’s going on?” They sat on an armchair next to the balcony door. “Please be honest, you know I won’t be mad mermaid.”

“So as you know we were at the wedding and I, I…” She felt like she was the most horrible person on this planet for what she did. “I just told him I don’t deserve him and that I need to leave, so I did and now I’m not answering his calls and I feel disgusting because the last thing I wanted was to hurt him but I fucking did it.” Her voice broke down and she started crying.

Freddy got up from the chair and came closer to Karolina. They put their hand on Karolina’s cheeks and tried to focus her attention on what they were saying.

“Love please don’t cry, just tell me, why did you do that?” They sounded so understanding and true. Like they didn’t have bad intentions. Because they didn’t. Freddy was genuine and wanted the best for Karolina.

“I don’t know who I am.” She paused for a moment and took a deep breath. “I’m such a fucking mess and I don’t want to put everything on Niall. He doesn’t need to deal with my shit. Those are my problems and I wouldn’t forgive myself if I would hurt him with them.”

“Maybe you should let someone in. Maybe you need Niall to help you. You don’t have to deal with it alone.” They came closer and left the soft, reassuring kiss on Karolina’s forehead.

“But I would steal his time which he could spend on work and what he actually loves. I would be a burden and I would just be a chain at his feet. I just couldn’t do that to him.” She closed her eyes and let the tears fall from them.

“It’s your decision after all and I will support it no matter what. I just want you to know you can ask for help. You don’t need to keep all of this inside. There are people who love you and who are ready to help you. We are just waiting for you to ask.”

In that moment Karolina couldn’t have been more grateful for her friends who always wanted to support her and who always tried to understand her. Maybe she really needed to give someone a chance to help her. 

  
  
  
  
  
  


Maybe she deserved to be happy and loved.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> hiii another surprise!!
> 
> i've been writing a lot this week and dropping it immediately but it's because i did my calculations and if i won't speed up i will end it in may :p so enjoy new chapters haha
> 
> i want to thank Freddy and Olivia for their support and also stan Masha!!!


	6. Change Your Mind

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Love the way you hurt me  
> And it doesn't even cross your mind  
> Tell me that you love me  
> But I know you're out there running wild  
> Give me all the pain, give me everything

_Paris, August 2018_

  
  
  


It was a sunny afternoon, Karolina and Olivia after dropping Freddy at the airport decided to stay a little longer in Paris and walk around the town. They got Masha on a leash and were under the Eiffel Tower when some group of teenagers started giggling behind them and taking pictures. Although Karolina was a published author and used to date Niall she wasn’t really pleased with situations like this especially when she was with Olivia who didn’t exactly want fame and recognizability. 

After this incident they continued to walk. They bought some macaroons in Carrefour nearby and turned into the Triumph Arch direction. They arrived after thirty minutes and took many photos with Masha and with each other.

After this location they decided that it’s time for dinner. Some little restaurant at the corner of the street caught their attention so they settled on going there. They were sitting outside as it was a worm evening. It was around 8 PM and the sun started to disappear behind the buildings. They were sipping wine, eating pasta and talking about bizarre things. It was a nice evening, it was supposed to be a distraction from what happened during the last few days.

Karolina, Olivia and Freddy were spending time together in Southern France. They went hiking to the mountains, they went to Marseille to feel like on a real vacation, by the sea with beautiful views and pretty people around. But it was all just a distraction. A distraction from the real world. From real struggles. From Karolina’s fuck ups and the whole mess she was carrying on her back. 

She wasn’t able to forget about it. It was too much and avoiding the confrontation wasn’t a good option but it seemed like the best just for now. She didn’t have energy to deal with her publisher and with her manager and Niall. 

Niall.

Even though he was on an island hundreds of kilometers away she couldn’t stop worrying. She knew he wouldn't appear where she was but her mind still was occupied by hurtful thoughts about how bad human being she was and how much she hurt him and how much she didn't deserve him. 

Trips, alcohol, friends it was all a distraction. She of course appreciated the time her friends gave her. She was grateful for having them in her life during those hard times. She could rely on them and ask for help. It was hard to hear the truth from them. 

Freddy always was telling her how much they are proud of her but also they tried to help by telling what they think. And that hurt. Hearing that what she did was good for her and that maybe she didn’t handle it the best way but she didn’t have other choice. Hearing from other people that she did it for HERSELF hurt. She wanted to do this for Niall. She wanted to stop being a bother and she ended up hurting him. She was so concentrated on protecting him she didn’t even realize she was making things worse than better. 

All she wanted was peace. Those trips gave her excitement. The false impression of freedom. When she was getting back she realized it didn’t help. But she kept on trying.

She was now in Paris with her best friend. She just said goodbye to her other best friend a few hours ago and it hurt. Another person leaving, they weren’t leaving forever but still they were leaving. 

When she saw Freddy turning into gates direction she felt pain. She started wondering if it was what Niall felt when she turned around and left him in the middle of the dance floor at his best friend's wedding. She hoped it hurt less. She wouldn’t forgive herself hurting him in that way.

  
  
  
  


They finished their dinner around 9:30 PM and went to their hotel room. The day was exhausting. When they came back they immediately fell onto their beds and fell asleep.

  
  
  


Ringing phone woke Karolina up.

“Can you turn it off, it’s so early.” Olivia murmured from the other bed burrowing their head in the pillow. 

Karolina took her phone from the nightstand and saw who was calling.

Her manager.

She was avoiding her for the past two weeks.

She could wait some more. 

After she declined the call she saw she had about 20 missed calls from Victoria (her manager), 17 texts from Louis and about 25 missed calls and 70 messages from Freddy. 

Another call came. This one was from Niall.

It was an absolute shock for her. She dropped her phone and stayed still for a minute. 

Olivia started telling her again to do something with her phone. After a few seconds she got her phone and declined the call. 

She decided to call Freddy first. They picked up immediately and sounded frustrated.

“ _Oh my god I was trying to reach you for the past hour. What the fuck are you doing?_ ” They started to get annoyed.

“I was asleep and Olivia will kill you for waking them up.”

“ _I don’t care. There are more important things happening. Have you seen The Sun article?_ ” They asked.

Karolina was confused. She tries not to read shit like The Sun. “Ummm no?”

“ _I sent you a link like 50 times. Open it now and call me back when you read it._ ” After this they hung up and left Karolina with many questions.

She opened the message from Freddy and clicked on the link.

  
  
  


She didn’t expect that.

  
  


> **_Karolina with a new lover, did she get over Niall Horan?_ **

_Yesterday afternoon the author of the book “Free of Hope” was spotted in Paris with a mysterious person. They were spotted under Eiffel Tower by the group of fans. Anonymous source is saying Karolina and the person from the photos have been dating and even got a dog which you can see on the pictures taken by the fans. It’s common knowledge that Karolina and Niall Horan were in a relationship for the past few months. They were spotted for the first time in LA on April 26th. After this couple were more open and even used to share pictures of each other on their social media accounts. For the past few weeks neither of them were spotted in public and as our other source states Niall is getting over the break up in England, while Karolina is staying in France with her new lover._

_Here comes the question: were Karolina and Niall ever together or was it just a PR relationship?_

_We asked our experts, one of them said:_

_“I wouldn’t be surprised if it was just a PR. Perfect ex boyband member with aspiring writer who with her art affects people like his fans. Ideal promo opportunity.”_

_Other expert stated:_

_“I think that those new pictures from France show us that it was all a set up. Karolina seems really happy and Niall apparently isn’t very much bothered. I would lean toward PR relationship or just one sided love. Maybe Niall is actually handling a heartbreak in private.”_

_We have to wait how this situation will end but now you can send your opinions at our email address:[ thesun@gmail.com ](mailto:thesun@gmail.com) and we will share them on our instagram @TheSun. _

  
  
  


Karolina was in shock. She didn’t know what to think or what to do. She got up and sat on Olivia’s bed.

“I’m so sorry.” She cried and cuddled into Olivia.

“What’s wrong? I’m not mad at the phone.” They didn’t know what was happening.

Karolina showed them an article. After they finished reading it they turned on their back to face Karolina.

“Hey Karo I’m not mad. Nothing bad happened okay? It’s just The Sun, who even reads that shit? It will be alright, don’t cry love.” They sounded calm and understanding which helped Karolina calm down her nerves.

“It will be alright?” She whispered into Olivia’s ear.

“We’ll be alright.”

  
  
  
  


_London, August 2018_

  
  
  


Niall spent the whole night crying.

  
  


He was thinking about the last time he saw Karolina. How they were dancing. How excited he was after singing with his mates. How much in love he was.

Because he was in love. 

Even though it hurt to say this. Saying he was in love made his heart ache more. It was more humiliating to admit that it was love not a crush. 

Around 6 AM he decided to get his shit together and maybe start working. He took his computer from the desk and got back to bed. He opened his email box and started checking some emails from his manager. After 10 minutes his email refreshed itself and he saw that he got a commercial email from The Sun. He saw his name in the subject and decided to check what bullshit they are trying to sell this time. 

When he saw the article he was completely shocked. 

It hurt at first. Seeing the headline and the innuendos. But when he looked at the photos he calmed down a bit. The “lover” was Olivia. Niall had never felt so relieved.

But at the same time his head was full of thoughts. First of all he was sorry for Olivia, because he didn’t think they wanted to be involved in some public drama. And second, Karolina was in France this whole time. It’s not like he didn’t think about it, it was the most possible option. He knew she wouldn’t go back to states right away and that she would go to someone. But maybe even though he knew or he felt she was there he didn’t want to find her. Maybe he wanted to give her space she wanted so much.

Maybe it was time to get over her.

For the next hour he was thinking about calling her. Maybe she saw the article and she would want to talk to him. But what would she say? She wanted space, maybe he should give it to her. But he would like to know if she was okay, if Olivia was okay. So he called.

_She didn’t answer._

  
  


Later that day Zan called him and asked if they could meet for a drink. Niall couldn’t pass the opportunity to get wasted and distract himself from the shit he was going through. They agreed to meet at the bar near to Niall's place. He grabbed his keys, his wallet and his phone and left the house. He didn’t think much about what Zayn wanted to talk about but he could hear in his voice that he was upset.

He arrived after 10 minutes and sat down in the booth in the corner of the bar. They usually sit there so when the barman saw him he brought him a beer and asked if someone else was coming. Niall asked for another beer for Zayn and shortly after Zayn arrived. He was dressed all black and had a hood on his head. When he sat down next to Niall he didn’t even bother saying hello, he took the beer standing in front of him and started drinking.

“What’s wrong Zayn?” Niall tried to ask nicely so he didn’t annoy him more.

“Liam.” He put the beer bottle down and looked at Niall.

“I see. What happened this time?” It wasn’t the first time when Zayn was upset over Liam. They used to fight a lot and even though mostly they were arguing over some dumb reasons Zayn was upset. He never wanted to apologize first, just like Liam. So they were mad at each other for a few days and after some time they just naturally started talking. It was always like this.

“You know that we are not together now but I just don’t get him. He sometimes acts like he wants to get back together, like he tells me nice things and compliments me but then he is like a closed book and when i try to have honest, deep conversation with him he just doesn't want to talk. He gets mad or annoyed and I hate it Ni, it's so frustrating to deal with this shit all the time.” He sighed and leaned on Niall. 

“You have to sort your shit out mate, you can’t go like this forever.”

“Says the guy who has been a mess for the past three weeks and wouldn’t leave his bed today if i wouldn’t call him.” Zayn was harsh but he was right.

“I know you’re hurt but no need to be mean to me. But seriously Zayn you've been like this for the two years. I was telling you both that breaking up was not a good option in that situation. It only made things between you more awkward and confusing.”

“We broke up for a reason.”

“What reason?” Niall was getting annoyed.

“It was a hard time for both of us you know. We were hurting each other.”

“Like you don't hurt each other now.” He cut him off.

Zayn stared at him like he wanted to beat him up. “It wasn’t good for us okay? We needed it, it was easier to stay friends and being committed like it wasn’t working out for us.”

“You said that Liam acts like he wants you back and sometimes he doesn’t. And you need to ask yourself if you want him back.” He stopped for a minute and took a sip from his beer. “You say you want him but also that being in a relationship was bad for you two. Pick a side mate.”

Niall was right. Zayn didn’t know what he wanted from Liam but expected Liam to choose for him. It wasn’t a solution for this situation. He needed to decide and most importantly confront Liam. 

“Niall, can you go back to crying over Karolina instead of making me feel bad about myself.”

Niall snorted at this and drank more beer. “You see mate when I’ll get back home I will.”

Zayn chuckled. “Have you even heard from her?”

“Nope. But I’m pretty sure Louis did and didn’t tell me. I’m not mad at him, he got close with her and I don’t blame him for being a good friend but still. And also this article in the morning. I care about her and I really want to know if she is okay because it doesn’t portray her in a good way, I just want to know if she is fine.” His eyes started to burn but he didn’t want to cry in public. 

They stayed at the bar for one more hour. They talked and even laughed a little bit. And got drunk. And when Zayn left to go to the bathroom Niall texted Karolina.

_**Are you okay?** _

When Niall got home he decided that it might be a time to clean his house a little. He started with the kitchen. While he was emptying the dishwasher his phone rang.

It was Karolina.

He picked up immediately and forgot how to talk.

“ _Hi Niall._ ” She paused and took a deep breath. “ _I got your text and I just wanted to tell you everything is fine and now you know where I am so you can stop worrying about it. And about that article._ ” She sounded very nervous. “ _It’s full of lies. I was with Olivia and we were just hanging out after dropping Freddy at the airport. I hope you know i didn’t fuck off for someone else. I did it for myself and I just want you to know that it’s not easy for me and it hurts._ ” She started crying. “ _I just don’t deserve you and I didn’t want to hurt you._ ”

“But you did.” He cut her off. Tears were falling from his eyes and he was shaking.

“ _I’m sorry Niall, it was the only thing I didn’t want to do but i fucking did it and fucked up everything and I’m sorry that I hurt you. You deserve so much better than me please go live your life and find someone better who will love you how you should be loved. How you deserve to be loved because I wasn't able to give you this love and I’m so sorry for giving you false hope it was completely wrong and I will never stop blaming myself for what I did to you. I’m sorry Niall._ ”

  
  


She hung up and Niall stayed on his kitchen floor broken and devastated and it was all because he dared to love.

  
  


If he could just switch off his feelings. Switch off the pain. He felt like pieces of his broken heart were aching and he just wanted to stop it. To press a button and stop feeling.

  
  


_This love wasn’t worth that pain._

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> hii, i wasn't writing whole weekend but started yesterday and finished today and wow this chapter is the longest.
> 
> it's a little bit different than the others but i hope you like it. there are much less dialogues :P
> 
> again big thanks to Freddy and Olivia for always supporting me and my ideas!!!


	7. New Angel

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> I need a new angel  
> The touch of someone else  
> To save me from myself  
> I need a new angel  
> A touch I've never felt  
> Baby, can't you tell that

_ 24th December 2018 _

  
  
  


Harry and Louis decided to organize a Christmas/Birthday Party this year. It was their first Christmas as husbands and it seemed to be a great opportunity to invite their family and closest friends and celebrate together.

They were preparing for this occasion for a few days. They went grocery shopping, cleaned the whole house, made a menu, decorated the house, bought Christmas presents and cooked dinner.

Two weeks later they made a draw and every guest was supposed to buy one gift for the person they got. Harry got Gemma and bought her a white mug on which he then painted pink and blue clouds and little black birds between them. Louis got Niall.

He loved Niall but buying him a good gift was a pain in the ass.

After hours of thinking and browsing on the internet he decided to get him a new golf club. The problem was that he knew absolutely nothing about golf. 

He was delaying buying the gift until 8 AM on Christmas Eve. 

He woke up and the only thing in his mind was that he hadn't bought it yet. It was also his birthday so Harry brought him breakfast to bed. He made him pancakes with fruit and chocolate, which were Louis’ favourite. He also got a birthday kiss and then they took Clifford for a walk. It was a nice morning in general, except he had to lie to Harry that he already bought Niall’s gift. 

When Harry started preparing Christmas pie Louis sneaked out and drove to the golf store. When he arrived it took him a few minutes to find a shop assistant who helped him with finding a perfect golf club. When he was standing in the queue his phone rang. He pulled it out from his back pocket and was pretty surprised when he saw who was calling.

“Haven’t heard from you for a while.” He didn’t want to sound rude but it wasn’t an easy situation.

“ _Hi Louis._ ” She paused for a moment. “ _Happy Birthday._ ” 

“Thank you.” It was awkward. They haven’t talked with each other since her birthday almost two months before. “How are you?”

“ _I’m great you know spending some time in France now. I was in New York for a few weeks but I’m back here. How are things in London?_ ” She didn’t sound sad but she wasn’t particularly happy either.

“Oh, it’s okay I guess. Me and Harry are organizing Christmas this Year and there will be a lot of people to be honest. My family, Harry’s family and the boys. And like not much changed, Zayn and Liam are still not together but they had a talk which ended up with Zayn sleeping on my couch annoyed at Liam. Me and Harry are good, even great actually. We are both in London and we will be staying here longer. It’s really great.” He wasn’t sure if he should talk about Niall, but what he would say? That Niall didn’t get over her, that he is still thinking about her and he has a hard time writing music. “Karo,...” he took a deep breath. “can we please talk to each other more? I know it’s like not the most comfortable situation but I really miss you.”

“ _I miss you too Louis, I would really like to talk to you more but at the same time I feel I’m taking you away from Niall and he has been your friend since 2010 and it just feels bad._ ”

“Hey, don’t worry about it. Niall is like a brother to me and just because I will be talking to you more won’t change it.” He really cared about her and he wanted her to be present in his life.

“ _How is he by the way?_ ”

And shit.

“He is fine I guess. He was on tour, he enjoyed it, it’s always nice to go on tour and meet fans. Nothing much happening in his life, he is a busy man.” Louis wasn’t lying, he just wasn’t telling the whole truth.

“ _Oh that’s great I’m glad he enjoyed it. Really Louis we need to talk more. Promise?_ ”

“Promise.”

“ _Okay I’ll go help with dinner now. Tell everyone that I love them and I miss them._ ” She was smiling at the thought of London and people there. Especially one person.

“Yeah, okay I will. Love you and Merry Christmas.”

“ _Merry Christmas and Happy Birthday once again Lou._ ”

They hung up after this and it was Louis' turn to pay. 

He left the shop and drove home. He was thinking about Karolina. He was thinking about the way she spoke and if she sounded sad or frustrated. He was wondering if she got over Niall. If she met someone new, if she is writing again, if she was ever heartbroken.

She was.

He knew she was because leaving wasn’t easy for her. She wasn’t a heartless creature who didn’t care about people's feelings. He knew this situation hurt her too and hurting Niall was incredibly painful for her. He started wondering if she found herself, if she made some groundbreaking discovery. 

He was glad they decided to stay in touch. He missed her.

When he got home Harry was waiting for him in the hallway.

“Where were you?” He was mad.

“Umm i was in a golf shop buying a present for Niall.” There was no point in lying anymore. He was literally holding a golf club in his hand.

“Louis for fuck’s sake.” He shouted.

“I’m sorry okay I just didn’t know what to buy him. “ He made a sad puppy face. “And it’s my birthday you shouldn’t be yelling at me. I deserve kindness young Harold.”

Harry rolled his eyes and walked over to Louis and cuddled him. “I’m sorry I yelled. I just have so much on my head because of this Christmas party. I didn’t mean to. I love you sweet cheeks.”

“I love you too baby cakes.”

They continued preparing the Christmas dinner. At 6 PM guests started coming, they were putting gifts under the Christmas tree and sitting in the living room having a nice chat.

At 7 PM they started eating. They were laughing and talking a lot. Everyone seemed to have a good time. No one was arguing about politics and no one was making any rude comments. It was a peaceful and fun night.

“So Zayn how is your new house?” Asked Anne.

“Oh it’s really great, Liam helped me move in last week and I really like it there. You know it’s calm and very private. I remember when me and Liam lived together in London in this huge house near the busy street and that was awful”

“Why was it awful?” Liam cut him off.

“Just loud and too big for me.”

“It had nothing to do with a fact you were living with me?”

Liam and Zayn were like ticking bombs since their talk. It was so easy to get them going and Christmas dinner wasn’t a good place to argue.

Everyone at the table stopped talking and turned into their direction. Louis and Niall looked at each other with terrified expressions and didn’t know what to do. Harry who was holding Louis' hand squeezed it harder and also didn’t know what to do. He just wanted to have a nice dinner without Ziam drama and he knew he needed to stop them before they started yelling at each other. 

“Of course not Liam, why did you even think of that?”

“Umm maybe because when we broke up you never came back to take your things, just send Niall to do it for you, like you hated that place because of me.” Liam wasn’t even looking at Zayn. He was looking at his almost empty plate playing with mashed potatoes he had on it. 

“What are you talking about Liam? Of course it wasn’t a reason! But like always you just make everything about you and at this point it doesn’t surprise me because you just act like a total…”

“We’re having a baby.” Harry cut Zayn off.

Everyone looked at Harry with a shocked expression. Louis dropped the fork he was holding and turned to face Harry.

“I thought we were supposed to wait until we had all the paperwork done.”

“WHAT?” Everyone at the table was confused and it was suddenly very loud at the house. 

“Harry what’s going on?” His mum asked.

“Umm, can everyone just stop yelling for a moment? I’ll explain everything.” Guests became quiet and waited for Harry to elaborate. “Okay so me and Louis decided we wanna adopt a baby and we called the agency and they said that when there will be any baby they will call us. So about three weeks ago they called and said there will be a baby in a few months. There is this woman who would like us to adopt her child. She saw our profile and she liked us. And she is five months pregnant so we will be dads in April if everything goes well.”

“Oh my god we are so happy for you!” Their family and friends gathered around them and started congratulating them. They were hugging, laughing and some guests cried. 

  
  


After everyone calmed down they finished eating and settled in the living room where they started exchanging gifts. Kids were playing with their new toys, adults were showing off what they got. Anne received some new gardening tools, Liam got cozy socks and a book, Lottie got a new purse and Zayn got a board game. Harry opened his present and saw that someone gifted him a blue jumper with frog print and a frog hat. He thought the present was funny and he loved it. Louis got a few presents because he also got birthday presents. 

He got some socks, a mug, a new football jersey, a sweater and then he opened a gift from Harry. The box was full of blue paper and when he finally found a present inside he started crying. Harry got him a “Best Dad” shirt and a little football ball. 

“Thank you bambi.” He said and pulled Harry close and wrapped his arms around him. 

  
Later that night when all guests have left, Harry and Louis sat cuddled on their couch and watched love actually while they talked about the dinner and their future fatherhood.

“I can’t wait to see our baby’s little hands and how they will be scrunching their little fingers. Or how we will be putting all those tiny clothes on them and see how they grow out of them. We will see their first smile and see how their tiny hair grows. I hope they will be curly.” Louis said with a big smile on his face.

Harry giggled quietly and looked at his husband fondly. “I hope so too. I’m so excited to meet our baby. They will be the most perfect baby ever I’m sure.”

“Have you thought about the name?”

“I’ve been thinking about it since our second date.”

Louis laughed loudly. “Second?!” He pretended he was offended.

“On the first date I was mesmerized by your cheekbones and it was the only thing i could think about.”

Louis started laughing even louder. “So which names did you choose?” 

“Okay so I was thinking about little Darcy or Henry.”

“It would be cute to have a little copy of you with almost the same name.” He smiled at Harry and kissed his nose.

“Hey stop, I really like that name. It's cute and reminds me of a goat somehow.”

“A goat?” Louis asked, confused.

“A goat. Nevermind what were you thinking about?”

“So, I was actually thinking about Danny…”

“We are not naming our child after a Grease character.” Harry interrupted him.

“But Harry, it's such a cool name.”

“No.” Harry was stubborn. Louis knew he wouldn't win with him.

“Okay. And what about Tommy?”

“I actually like that one.”

“Really?” He was surprised Harry wasn’t arguing. Apparently he didn’t connect this name with Peaky Blinders.

“Yeah. Little Tommy Tommo. That’s cute.” He scrunched his nose.

“I like it.”

“Did you have any other name in mind?”

“Okay it might be stupid but what if we named the baby after one direction song?”

Harry snorted and looked at Louis. “You’re joking right?”

“No, imagine little Happily Tomlinson or Home Tomlinson.”

“Why is it not that bad?”

“See, it’s a good idea.”

“My mum will kill us.”

“She won’t. She will love our baby so much and she won’t care about the baby’s name.”

Louis kissed Harry and cuddled him tighter. He wanted to stay in this moment forever. He was happy and he was holding his whole word in his hands.

But even though vision of fatherhood was scary he couldn’t wait to become one and to finally 

have all he wanted, a happy ever after with a love of his life.

After everything they’ve been through they deserved happiness. 

They deserved a calm and happy life full of love. Without drama, media and all this mess that came with fame. Sometimes both of them dreamed of having a regular life. Normal job and a possibility to go outside without thinking about how many people will recognize you this day. They were grateful for everything they had. The influence, money and power. But it was tiring and no matter how much someone loves it, it will never be better than regular life. 

People are able to live without fame and power. 

They can’t live without their loved ones.

  
  
  


They need their home.

  
  
  
  
  
  


_ New Year’s Eve _

  
  
  
  


After Christmas Niall was mostly spending time at home. His life these days was pretty boring. He didn’t have many meetings or any writing sessions scheduled. He was free man.

But he wasn’t free from thinking about her. 

She was like a dark cloud over his head following his every step. Everything reminded him of her. 

When he was making coffee in the morning and he saw her favorite mug in the cupboard he felt pain. When he was looking at the stars he was thinking about their stargazing date and how amazing he felt with her. Her hairbrush was still laying on his bathroom shelf.

He felt her presence but he was lonely.

Everything reminded him of her but he was alone and he could feel she was gone.

She didn’t talk to him, she didn’t text.

But she kept in touch with Louis.

And that was the most painful for him. Louis knew more. Niall was sure he did but he was also respecting Karolina’s wish. He didn’t want to pressure Louis to tell him and break her trust. He loved her and this love was strong. He could do this for her.

  
  
  


Even though his days were rather sad they passed quickly and before Niall even realized it was New Year’s Eve. 

He met her a year before.

Whole year passed.

He couldn’t think about that so he decided to get drunk.

  
  
  


He got an invitation to a party from some industry people and as it was his only invitation he decided to come. Guests were mostly connected to the music business. There were girls from Little Mix, Ed Sheeran, Adele and many others. When Niall sat at the bar he realized that his dear friend Shawn Mendes was looking at him from across the room. 

Niall got a beer from the bar and walked over to his friend who he hadn’t seen since he left LA. 

“Hi Shawn, haven’t seen you in a while.” Niall said and pressed his back to the well behind them.

“Hey Niall, good to see you after that long, how are you?” He smiled friendly.

“I finished touring some time ago and it’s been pretty slow since then. Had a nice Christmas with the boys and yeah it was good. And how is life in LA?”

“Good, pretty chill, not much is happening to be honest. Since you and Karolina left nothing changed.”

Karolina. 

“Yeah that’s good”

“Oh shit Niall, I’m sorry i forgot about what happened. Are everything okay bro?”

Niall wasn’t mad at him, he didn’t have to know in the first place. “Everything is okay. Don’t worry. I had a few rough months but it’s good now.”

“And how is she?”

“I have no fucking clue. She fuck off to France and doeasn’t talk to me.”

“I’m sorry mate, I know you cared about her.” He really was sorry.

“It’s fine, I just need to get over her.”

As the night continued they drank, they laughed, they danced and when the midnight hit they weren’t on the dancefloor anymore.

They weren’t at the bar.

They were in Shawns hotel room.

Because Niall couldn't resist those pretty eyes and brown curls.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> hiii thanks for reading i hope you liked this one and that you liked the larry part!!
> 
> thanks to Freddy and Olivia for being here for me love youuuuuuuu!!


	8. Dress

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Maybe it's time to put your dress away  
> Or leave it out  
> Maybe it's time that I give you space  
> I just wanna see it  
> Back on your body  
> Watch you dance around and  
> Tell you I'm sorry  
> Maybe it's time to put your dress away  
> Even if I don't want to, babe

_ New York, March 2019 _

  
  
  
  
  
  


Karolina thought New York was a place for her. A place where she should feel good. Place where she had the most opportunities. But maybe that was the problem. She felt like she should think like this but she didn’t. She hated how big everything there was. How many people were there. How dirty it was. 

  
  
  


She needed a new place. 

And she found it. 

  
  
  


France maybe didn’t have as many opportunities as New York had. Maybe she couldn’t communicate properly with everyone there but at least she felt inspired there. It was different, it was new. It gave her new perspective, new feelings to write about and also it was a great place to hide.

And she wanted to hide. She didn’t want to start a new life but she wanted to change it. She loved people from New York and was grateful for them but she couldn’t live like this anymore. If she wanted to find herself, she had to fight. 

Karolina found an old villa in South France which she bought pretty cheap from an older lady whose family lived there for hundreds of years. Even though it was old, the house was in a really good state, she did small renovations and she was ready to move in. But first she needed to end things in her old home.

She was packing everything and shipping it to France, she planned on taking only some summer clothes on the plane. But she realized she had a lot of things and that she needed some help. 

The problem was she lost contact with most of her friends here. So she went on instagram to see if anyone who is in contact with her is here. After scrolling for a few minutes she saw that Zayn posted a photo from Times Square. She wasn’t sure if he would want to talk to her but she needed to try. And she liked Zayn, he was always nice and kind to her. So she called him and surprisingly he agreed to help.

“Hi Zayn.” She opened the door and smiled.

“Hi Karo.” He smiled back.

“Come in, and thank you for helping me really.”

“No problem, I’m not doing anything important after all. But I have one condition.”

“What condition.” She looked at him curiously.

“We’re gonna talk about this.”

“Yeah, we can.” She handed him a cartoon box and they started packing and talking.

“So where are you moving?”

“France, I bought a house in a small village in the south.”

“Alone?”

“Yeah, like I have some rooms for my friends. You know Oli or Freddy, and for my family.”

“Why are you moving?”

“I just don’t feel good in New York anymore.” She paused for a minute. “I got used to being with someone all the time and when it all ended I just felt lonely here. I was in a huge city where there were many people and I was still alone and it was just so frustrating and overwhelming and just painful.” A single tear slipped from her cheek. “It was too much. And I tried to avoid this place. Like I started spending more and more time in France and it helped a little. You know I didn't feel so useless. I started writing again. And just moving there feels right.”

“Yeah, I think it might help you. And I’m really happy for you. It’s not like we all hate you or something. Louis obviously adores you and both Harry and Liam have nothing against you, we are really happy for you.”

“Thanks Zayn.” She smiled a little. “But didn’t you feel this way when you broke up with Liam?”

It wasn’t Zayn’s favorite subject to talk about but maybe it could have helped both of them. “I felt different definetely. I think after you’re with someone for some time it always hurts but with me and Liam was different. We stayed friends and we are actually shit at being friends to be honest. And it’s hard but I know he is always here for me so it’s not like i feel lonely.”

“You’re still not together?”

“Nope. But lately it’s been quite good between us. I think Louis and Harry having a baby really helped us, like we will be uncles and we will have to help them so our arguments are just ruining this time for them.”

“But do you want to get back together?” 

“Why is everyone asking this? First Niall now you. I don’t know!” Hearing his name hurt a bit but Karolina thought it would be worse.

“We just want you to be happy! And like both of you want to get back together so I don’t understand why don’t you just do it.”

Zayn was confused. “Liam wants to get back together?”

“Of course he does. It’s so fucking obvious. He didn’t tell me this but he probably told Louis and I’m just so done with you two ruining your chance for happiness. Do you want him back or not?”

“I do!”

“So tell him! But maybe when we finish packing and maybe when you will be together not through the phone.” 

“Yeah you’re right.” He smiled and came closer to her. “Thank you kid.” He hugged her tightly.

“No problem sweetie.” She smiled and cuddled him.

  
  


They may never have been very close but it felt good. Having a friend always felt good.

  
  


It took them almost 2 hours to pack the living room and a kitchen. Then they moved to her closet. Karolina was going through her t-shirts when she found one which didn’t belong to her. It was Niall’s and it brought up many memories. Their trip to San Francisco or their late night calls but also how hurt he looked when she walked away. 

Zayn realized she was standing in one place for a few minutes and tapped her on a shoulder. She turned and jumped into his embrace. Karolina was crying, even sobbing. 

She still hadn't forgiven herself for hurting him. 

There were too many things reminding her of him. 

  
  
  


Moving out was the first step to moving on.

  
  
  
  
  
  


_ Los Angeles, March 2019 _

  
  


Niall spent the past two months in England but it was time to get back to work. He had to go back to LA and start writing an album.

He tried to write but he was sad. He was lonely, sad and devastated. He missed one person. Someone with a beautiful smile, shining green eyes and hair dark like a chocolate. But thinking about her hurt. It gave him pain but he still did this. In some way he felt responsible for all the things that happened. Maybe it was because he didn’t know the reason why she left. He didn’t know if she just didn’t love him or if he did something wrong. 

Writing was like a therapy. He was writing about what he was feeling and he ended up writing more than twenty songs about heartbreak. 

But maybe it was a process. Maybe he had to go through all of this to be better and feel like himself again. 

  
  


He arrived in LA at noon and when he got to his house it was already after three. He had a writing session planned at four so he needed to change and hurry up.

He ran upstairs leaving his bags downstairs and opened his closet. He was looking for some shorts because the weather in California was completely different then in England. As he was looking for them he saw something in the back of his wardrobe. It was a dress. Karolina’s dress. He remembered when she left it here. It was after they came back from San Francisco.

He pulled it out and started staring at it. He was mad. Everything back then was good. The San Francisco trip was one of the best moments of the previous year and everything crushed. Everything went to shit because she left. And he didn’t know why.

He couldn’t stop looking at it. He started crying and his mind was full of thoughts. Those weren’t pleasant thoughts. This house was full of ghosts of the past. Everything here reminded him of her and this dress...

He was getting angrier. After tears stopped slipping from his eyes he just felt anger. He ripped the dress in half and left.

  
  
  


He left just like she did. He ripped her dress and left it alone on the floor and he didn’t plan to come back.

  
  
  


Just like she ripped his heart into pieces and left him alone.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> hiii
> 
> sorry for this short break but i'm baaack and also this chapter is short sorry :( i had a lot going on and i'm not sure if a new chapter will come out soon. 
> 
> again thanks to Freddy and Olivia <33 i love youuu


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